when you find a very funny meme
when you show your friend the humorous meme
and he also has a giggle at it
a shout out to all the people who started saying “same” as a joke once in awhile but now use it for the most random things like a car honking their horn at another car
Special skills: extensive Harry Potter knowledge, can watch an entire TV show in a week, knows words to every Disney song, can form abnormally strong attachments to fictional characters, Microsoft Word
literally all i want is to fall asleep on someone
i’m very tired and i want to lay my head on someone’s stomach and have them run their fingers through my hair and sleep
There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after
i have arrived
Having a massive wave of anxiety while a bunch of friends call you a party pooper for not playing hide and seek is probably the best thing ever
Julianna Margulies gives a musical twist to the morning announcements!
i was taking pictures of the new puppy
when i look out the window to see the older dog just
looks like bengledick crinklesniff lost this round
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
I'd chime in with a 'haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!' No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.